Be careful where you wave that baguette...

The baguette is perhaps THE most famous French export. However, the supermarkets that produce “french sticks” in the UK just haven’t got it right. Do they not know that after 5pm at night the baguette you bought in the morning is not supposed to be edible still? It is supposed to be rock solid, providing every child (or student) with weapons that not only hit hard, but make a huge mess too – what fun, none of that poncey soft crusted stuff for us thanks.

Whilst I think it is great that the French have clearly kept preservatives out of their food (or whatever it is that means that all other bread worldwide keeps for longer), I have no reason to believe that it is due to health reasons, but more of a stubbornness to accept that any other country may have found something that may be useful in the culinary world.

It is therefore perfectly acceptable in most restaurants to give you a basket of fairly hard bread if you go there late in the evening – and what good exercise it is for the jaws too.

What is also so French about baguette is that it is frankly a ridiculous size and shape (well why would you take on the idea of another country just because it is more practical – stick to your traditions and all that). Baguettes never fit in shopping baskets, bags or anything else, which means 9 times out of 10 it’s tucked under someone’s arm, or sticking out of the basket on a bike (trés Français). Why not buy two that are half the length and fit in your bag? Because then you get twice the amount of rock solid baguette end that everyone tries so hard to avoid, except those who are trying to sharpen their teeth. (thanks to Pete for doing a classic French impersonation...)


I have even fallen foul to flying baguette debris on several occasions, when a bite of a baguette has launched a projectile of rock solid bread particle into my eye. Luckily, I sustained no lasting injuries and I have taken it as part of the initiation of becoming a local.

I may seem to be derogative to the baguette, but I have to admit that I love the stuff – baguette and a bit of butter is one of the simplest, nicest things you can eat. Such a shame that you don’t get given any butter with the bread in French restaurants….

Imagine my delight recently whilst reading Harry Potter in French, that Harry wards off all things evil by brandishing a baguette at them! Excellent news! Anyone who is scared of being attacked by a large snake, a werewolf, death eaters or Lord Voldemort need only grab the left overs from breakfast and all will be banished. However, I thought that this might not be taking their translation job seriously if they were changing the story to include French bread.

Not the case apparently – baguette = wand, stick and French loaf of bread evidently…